tamar

The Bible names twenty children born to David across eight wives. His firstborn was named Amnon, and was born to David’s wife Ahinoam. Absalom was David’s third son, born to David’s wife Maacah. Tamar, David’s only daughter recorded in the Bible, was also born to Maacah, making Absalom and Tamar true siblings. Tamar and Amnon were half-siblings, but marriage among even half-siblings was still against Mosaic law. 

These dynamics are what makes the events of this chapter understandable. Tamar and Absalom had a special bond. David as the king had sired many children across many wives, many of the marriages being political ones, so the “siblings” that resulted in David’s marriages would have been quite different from one another. 

Absalom and Tamar however, have the same mother. They had a bond that was special and Absalom was protective of her. Playing into this drama is the fact that Amnon was greatly attracted to Tamar, such that it had blossomed to lust. Jonadab, a cousin, suspected this attraction of Amnon’s and suggested to him a sneaky way that he might take his half-sister to bed. 

When Jonadab’s plan works, Tamar is humiliated and raped. What is interesting about the episode between Amnon and Tamar is that Amnon hates Tamar after the act is over: “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!” II Samuel 13:15

See how what is thought to be pleasurable sin, brought about by yet more sin, results in hate and chaos. Is not this what Amnon wanted? Why then was he in a terrible state after? Because the pleasures of sin are fleeting, and after the deed was done, Tamar’s presence reminded Amnon of the terrible deed he had done. Thus he expelled her. 

Both David and Absalom come to know of Amnon’s doings and David is “very angry” while Absalom is recorded as speaking to his brother “neither good nor bad.” This can be explained in that Amnon had authority over Absalom, being the firstborn. There would have been a sort of fear and respect in this hierarchy that precluded Absalom from acting immediately. But Absalom does eventually act against Amnon.

In verses 23-29, we see how Absalom orchestrates the murder of his brother Amnon some two years after Amnon had raped Tamar. His wrath was left to simmer and it eventually led to this. 

David suffers greatly at the loss of both of his sons. In fact, the verse that described David’s grief is ambiguous as to whether or not it refers to Amnon or Absalom. Verse 13: “But Absalom fled and went to Talmai the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day.”

What can we reasonably learn from this chapter? 

• The first thing we can take away from this is to ignore unwise advice. Jonadab was a pot-stirrer and a wicked player that did not have the best interests of his family in mind as he proffered ideas that would seem clever only to evil and mischievous men.

• Secondly, this is the beginning of David’s punishment. David had sinned with adultery and now fornication and murder is taking place within his own house. How else do we need it spelled out for us that our sins can have rash consequences on not only ourselves, but on those we hold dearest as well?

• Lastly, look at the fallacies of Absalom’s approach. Why answer sin with more sin? Absalom’s heart may have been right to be offended and hurt by Amnon’s deeds, but vengeance was not his; it was God’s. When we take matters into our own hands, we can quite often make a bigger mess of things. 

Pray that you learn these lessons and sooner rather than later!